...and the soldier cries.

God wrote me a letter today. I know it seems crazy, but in the wake of a friend's death some things have come to light that I believe are very important to share.


Dear Kiddo,


I know you are sad about Kara. But I have her, and one day you will see her too. But, this is not the reason you cry, well not the only one. You miss her and regret that you did not stay in touch but her death has been a blessing in another way.

Your life is changing, and fast little one. And while these are happy times, it is ok to be sad. So many times you have fought back tears that you did not understand. "Where are these tears coming from ?",you would ask yourself, but you forgot to ask Me.

College was more than school, Kentucky, more than a place to live, and home was more than just an address.

This has been your home since the age of 12, and while your life has never really been predictable, this was the closet to a home that you have had.

Marrige is a blessing. I know. I created it. Graduating college is a milstone in any ones life. I know. I was the one who challenged and you successed. You have truely grown up in Kentucky. You were saved by grace here. You have mentors here. Children here have inspired you to fight for them. But here is not where you are staying. I know it hurts to leave some where, and to not reconginze it for what it means to you until it is gone, like Kara, or until it is almost gone, like Kentucky, it is sad. And its ok. I not only created you to feel happy, but to also feel sad. And there are going to be times, like this one, where you feel both. And its ok.

Katie, I have called you to a life of many challeges. Ups and downs. Love and loss. But even though life does not stay stable, I am. You are strong. But the main thing that makes strong people is not if they can stand alone in the storm, but if they know that they can't.

Many blessing are coming child. But one of the biggest blessing that I have ever given the human race, is the ablity to cry. So cry child. It will be ok. I know. Because I Am.

Love
Daddy.

Top Ten for Baptist Service

I was raised Catholic and Quaker. I ended up a Baptist. Something I enjoy but what is even better is the fun I poke at all of them. If you are Baptist, you may understand some or all of these things. Enjoy

1.Show up late: Assigned seating, while not encouraged, happens. Don’t mess with the grove. You have you ritual, we have ours

2.You will ALWAYS look like someone’s, boyfriend, girlfriend, sister, brother, cousin…

3.If you attend church with a member of the opposite sex, the congregation will notice you, but won’t think to ask your name. More than likely they just want to know if you two are dating.

4.No you are not paranoid; they are staring and talking about you.

5.There will always be one 98 year old woman with bright red hair.

6.If you fill out the card, you will get calls, visits, and a home made something.

7.There’s nothing to memorize. Much of it is improvised by the Holy Spirit…and the quickness of the service is gauged by how long it will take the roast to cook.

8.There is a pecking order, and at the top…the director of the WMU.

9.We do not do the meet and greet with the precision of the Catholics.

10.Service will start on time… when it ends is debatable.

Old Blog

Even if no one reads it...I need to do it for myself.

I am a soldier in college and during the time that I am in basic training, the army sets aside money for all soldiers to put towards college. I have been in college for 4 years and I am now in my 5th. The money that the Army set aside for me has been used up and now I have to tighten my already sufficating belt. That is 480.00 a month that I have to make up for.I got a wild hair up my butt and decided to get crazy involved with school this year so my schedule is slammed. Meetings, classes, student goverment, mentoring....I mean slammed.When I saw today that I was 32.00 in the hole after all my bills are paid for September...I now needed to start thinking about October. I get a monthly drill check that barely breaks 200.00 a month. And people dare to say that soldiers are over paid.I now had to start thinking of things to get my next months bills paid...quick! Can I get a job? Not with all my comittments with school, no one would be crazy enough to hire me. Weekend job? Drill makes that an issue. I even went as far as to consider deploying to AZ. and finishing the year with online classes. But I have made commitments to kids who need a mentor...I can not leave them. So now what?Deployment was looking to be the only option at this point. But I cant think about that now. I have a youth group meeting with my kids (kids I mentor. not my own...i have none) Hard times have hit the youth leaders family so he was not able to attend, so my buddy David steps in with the message for the evening.He began to speak about when Jesus walked on water. A story I have heard soo manytimes so I began to lose the interest, but God made me listen.

In Matthew 14:27 says:

"Immediately Jesus spoke to them (the disciples on the boat) "Have courage! It is I. Do not be afraid." (Matt.14:27)

Jesus was walking on the water, outside of the boat in the middle of a storm. These men who follow him daily thought he was a ghost and they were scared. They were thinking they are seeing ghost on the water, the boat is rocking, they dont know where Jesus is. Then Jesus assures them that it him on the water and not to be scared.That grab my attention. "Do not be afraid." I dont know about you but most people would say that me considering deployment to survive would be freaking out. So I listen more.Peter...the disciple I relate with the most...ask Jesus

"Command me to come to You on the water." (Matt.14:28)
Jesus said, "Come." (Matt. 14:29)

So Peter walks out, and he is walking on the water. But soon Peter sees the waves, and gets scared, and begins to doubt Jesus and begins to sink in the water. He screams out,

"Lord save me!" (Matt. 14:30)

Jesus comes to Peter, reached out his hand and saved him. Jesus than looks at Peter and says ,

"You of little faith, why did you doubt me?" (Matt.14:31)

So I am listening to this and going, man! I was commanded by God to take on these things. The mentoring, BCM...I felt like these things were taking up all my time and was the reason why I was "sinking." I took my eyes off Jesus and started looking at the waves in my life and I doubted that Jesus would be able to help in this. That was the real reason why I was sinking. Jesus called me to walk out in this storm, and he is waiting for me to keep going. I know Jesus will not allow me to sink. He has placed me where I am and in the situation I am in for a reason. He will take care of me and all my needs. Does that mean that I wont have to make scarifices? No..but I will be ok, cause he called me out into this storm.

Finally thought.

When Jesus delivered Peter back into the boat the storm stopped. I know this storm will stop, as long as I place my faith in Jesus, I know this storm will stop.

...a little peace of mind

So an eventful week eh?

What do you say at a time like this? I'm sorry? "I'm sorry" just doesn't really cover it. More like, "I wish I was there so I could have done something." "I wish this never happened." And why do want to say these things? Because we all want to take the pain away. Regardless of race, sex, religious preference, we are all still human, and on some deep level that many of us have been programed to ignore, we love each other.

I want it to go away, but more on a selfish level. I don't want to think about it. I want to be happy all the time. I don't want to grieve. I don't want to think that bad things happen. But they do. There are people out there and for whatever reason they lose it, and people suffer.

Can I tell you why? No. I can tell you that my God is in control of it. And if He wasn't? Then those death truly would have had no purpose. They would have been senseless, random occurrences. Who wants to think that way? Don't people want to believe that there is a higher purpose at hand? Why wouldn't you?

I want to cry for those people, just like Columbine, Heath High School, Jonesboro.

Some people who have no faith will ask, "Where was your God there?" I believe that they ask that question cause they really want to know. Some where deep down they don't want to think that this had no purpose.

Let me tell you where my God was.

In the classrooms

In the dorm

In the homes of the victims families awaiting the phone call

Listening intently to prayers

And yes even with the shooter

He was all around and He has a plan for all of this. It hurts, and it will leave scars.

I dont really know what else to say other than I know my God has a plan.

Epiphany

I am 24 years old

I weigh about 155lbs given the holiday coming up

I am 5'8"

I run 2 miles every other day

I played basketball, baseball, softball, and ran track and cross country all though middle and high school

According to the Army and my doctors, I am in good shape

My good cholesteral is high

My bad cholesteral is low

The sugar in my blood is where it should be

Since the time that I stopped growing, I have been over weight once for a two year period

Even in that period of time, my body fat was with in the healthy range

The heart conditions that I may have, I was born with and is not a product of what I have done to myself

I do not smoke

I do not drink

I do not have sex

... and guess what

I still have jiggly parts

...you know what else?

My fiancee still loves me


...moral?

There is no reason I should not have, or even love my jiggly parts


...thank you.

A Story for the Grandchildren

Very exciting St Patty's day. Aside for walking for miles in 3 inches heels with the guys in Denver, it's what happened that morning in the Springs that made it all worth it.

I was going back to Kentucky on Monday. St. Patty's was on Saturday and I wanted to hang out at my old elementary school play ground. It has changed quite a bit since I was little. The wooden play ground is gone and replaced by, what I am sure is safer, plastic. Not as cool but kids now-a-days are no where near as daring as I was. Anyway there are a couple new playground areas, and for some reason, several tires in the ground. But the one place that is still there are the bars. The bars of varying levels that I use to swing on as a kid.

Ryan and I met there back in 1989. We were 6 or 7 at the time. He was falling off of things on purpose and was asking me to tell him how fast he was falling. While this only lasted for a little awhile it was something I always remembered.

This is also where everything changed.

Ryan and I were planning to go back to those bars before we headed back to Denver to hang out with the guys for the evening. His parents went to the store for groceries and said that we would be going to brunch when they get back. I was afraid that we would not get to go to the playground, but Ryan assured me that we would going. He kept that promise.

We played on the new plastic playground where the wooden playground once stood. But just to the right were the bars. I had brought a sweater so I could should Ryan how I use to flip on them as a kid, and show him exactly where we had our first conversation. Little did I know what was about to happen.

I was scaling the bars to the highest one I could. As I was on the middle bar, making my way up and I glanced at the school to see people walking towards us. One had a vase of white flowers, which I found out later were lilies, and the other had what looked like a silver shoe box. As they came closer I saw that it was Ryan's parents. Not really thinking I was still climbing and said, "Whats going on?" Ryan helped me hop down safely and then turned to his dad who handed him a little black box out of pocket.

The words that Ryan said next vary from the different times that people ask how he did it. What he basically said was, "Katie I love you with all of my heart and you have made me the happiest that I have ever been in my life, so...Kathleen Ann Lewis will you marry me?" I was shocked, and did not have a clue this was going to happen. I of course said yes, and quickly had a question in return. "Do my parents know?" To which he responded, "They have known for weeks."

This whole time his parents are snapping pictures, and that I am very grateful for. This was a day I wont forget but now I have the pictures to show people just how happy I am. In the silver box his parents also gave us the champagne glasses that we will use at our wedding. They are beautiful, hand painted glasses.

Ryan really out did himself. The place where we first met as kids. His parents were apart of it. My parent knew about it. The day was just great. The wedding date is January 5Th, 2008 and I can not wait.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

That was a statement from my mom while on the phone with me after my wreck this morning. I was working with the Army this weekend and on my way to my station I saw a wreck. There were no EMT's on site yet so I pulled over to help. I had pulled up alittle farther than I had anticipated and need to back up. I watched my drivers side review mirror and neglected my passenger side. In the process I backed into an abandoned car.

My first thought was that is was the car of someone who also stopped to help. I was afraid that if they did that there might be kids inside. Luckly there was a weeks worth of snow on the car.

I ran across the highway to see what I had, called my Sgt and told him what happened and just made sure that everyone was alright. The story of what happened to them was that they were in a semi's blind spot and the truck vered infront of them. They slid across the highway into a concrete divider. The front end of the car was smashed in, wind sheild completly broken out. One gentleman had a gouge above his eye, which made for a lot of blood. He also had some glass embedded in his head. Possibly broke his arm as well. The second gentleman had a nasty cut on his hand. All he wanted was a smoke.

As soon as everyone was fine and people were on site to help, I went back to my car to look at the damage. The entire passenger side rear was smashed in. The exact opposite location of where my mom had an accident in my car about a month ago. My insurance company to is going to love me.

I felt I was fine. Called my insurance and now have to wait till monday to find out when I can get my car fixed. It was not until I got home today though that I might have done some damage to my right shoulder in the process of the whole thing.

While waiting for my parents to drive with me back to their home I was trying to figure out what God was trying to tell me through this. In my mind I was doing the right thing, which I still know I was but God was trying to scream something to me. I think what he is trying to tell me is that I need to take care of me. I have been in the middle of a lot of different things this week. I am trying to save the world with all the knowledge I have been getting at school and it has all been a little over whelming. In the process I haven't really been thinking about some me and Jesus time though. I think he was tryin to tell me that, while I am out trying to save the world, if I dont watch it, I will run into something. This time it was just my car. My car can be fixed and I have the means to do it. Money is not an issue in this case. But I really need to start minding myself and where I am. If I am hurt, I am not really going to be of any use to others. Thanks for reading. Happier things to come....I know it.